Alex: Almost immediately I changed the viewing settings to HD because, ya know, respect for butts/Nicki. And watch out for that snake ladies!
Martina: I tried desperately to turn on HD but I am in a hotel in Mammoth (*half-white whine*) with shoddy wi-fi! BUT OMG THIS TABLEAU BELONGS IN A MUSEUM.Alex: My favorite island time fruit now has solely ‘Anaconda’ connotations. Will never look at coconut milk the same. Tysm.
Martina: I would like to point out that the pineapple and coconut drink seem to indicate this jungle is in Hawai‘i and Hawai‘i postively has no snakes, which is the only reason I went hiking when I was there.
Martina: I wish these shoes were part of her Kmart line. *sighs deeply*
Alex: These are totally insane. The heels scream Home Depot chic.
Martina: This oblig Beats product placement is p. deep. *Nicki voice* I ONLY TOOK A HALF A PIIILLLLLL.
Alex: Definitely did not know what this was. Thought it was something more Fifty Shades of Grey-related. Whoops.
Martina: My jaw is on the floor. These ladies are on. fucking. fire. Is Nicki naturally flexible or did she practice for this? Does she take yogalates??
Alex: It’s the raised hand emoji but with legs. I am jealous.
Martina: I want that emoji! Plz listen up, emoji makers!
Alex: This is a tiki-themed gym. R u kidding me? I would work out here. Only Nicki can pull off that cray 80s bikini bottom. I feel like it requires a lot of upkeep.
Martina: I gasped at that itty bitty thong bc she looks so perf and also bc I know that sports bra from my years at working at Victoria’s Secret. :/
Alex: This floor move is very yoga pose meets days when you’re like ‘Ughhh I’m so lazy, I can’t move my upper body, I can only move my butt.’ This is the only move I could potentially do.
Martina: Another entry for LACMA tbqh.
Martina: This is Nicki Minaj winking bc a coke dealer ate her ass and it’s so gorgeous.
Alex: I like that she’s choosing practical weights that match her outfit. On point.
Martina: Some product placement for a drink that is apparently MOSCATO AND COCONUT? Uh, sure, sounds gr8. Thx for the rec, Nic.
Alex: Down for coconut, never down for moscato.
Martina: These women are amaze. Much respect to artists to give their dancers a lil solo screentime. I have no idea what their shirts say tho?
Alex: Shirts say ‘Look at her butt’ and shorts say ‘Bunz’—So genius.
Martina: Perf.
Martina: This scene was SCREAMING Degrassi Season 3, when Manny Santos wanted to be thought of as more than Craig’s little sister and sported a whale tail to school.
Alex: She’s got Matefit to keep her refreshed—the official tea for UFC, seriously.
Alex: Most confusing moment of the video for me. Not because of what was going on but the rip in the fishnets. What’s the story here?
Martina: “Being a boss ass bitch in the jungle can often result in torn up fishnets and sweaty bodies. Be sure to pack extra pairs of fishnets and some towels.” – Bear Grylls, probz
Martina: Was so confused by these inexplicable letters. Originally thought it was MYY, like MYY ANACONDA. Googled MYX when I figured it out and it’s the moscato fusion company, of course.
Alex: OMG of course. Thought it was a version of that P90X workout.
Alex: This reminds me of my first job at Coldstone and how it was the WORST making weird smoothies (that no one ordered). Let’s just throw this cucumber in there, why not?
Martina: I love love love the throwback to the pink wig but when she turns around, what looks like her natural hair is underneath. Nice little balance of eras.
Martina: This whole video is a male gaze fakeout. Like, look at this sexualization but BAM GUESS WHAT?! I don’t give AF because this sexuality is about me and not you and lemme slice up this phallic object real quick!!!
Alex: Yassss! Let me just slice this banana up! Sorry not sorry. Cooking with Nicki 101—there will be no extra credit.
Martina: These bits in the little lagoon thing are ridic bc she’s giving such intense, longing gazes set to her lil monologue about fat ass butts fucking in the club.
Alex: She’s hanging out in her lagoon tub before she hits the club with Drake.
Martina: Gotta be fresh for Drake!
Martina: The moment we were all waiting for. That silhouette makes the shot.
Alex: Nicki’s cackle laugh will haunt me forever.
Martina: @StuffDrakeDoes: After a lap dance, Drake prays that Onika gets her degree and pursues med school. He believes in her.
Alex: Gob Bluth: ‘I’ve made a huge mistake.’
*~FINAL THOUGHTS~*
Alex: This video made me feel so blessed to have a butt tbh. There was a lot going on but it was a sensory overload in a good way. Nicki, what would we do without you? P.S. I’d like to be a DJ in Nicki-land paradise if only to spin pineapple on vinyl.
Martina: I’m not down with the faux Hawaiian/Party City tiki thing, but I am way onboard the rest of this vid. (Maybe not so much the fusion moscato.) As was pointed out on twitter, after a year of white popstars shamelessly appropriating blackness and twerking, a black popstar with an ass that can actually twerk is doing it WITH other black women. And it’s a fun and irreverent romp. There are hearts in my eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
LUV UR BUTT, xoxo Alex & Martina
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